These are actual questions sent to Light in the Closet from a pastor of a conservative mainstream denominational church. One of his questions reference what he identifies as “sin.” Light in the Closet does not hold to the same view of sin as this pastor. However, it was necessary to reference sin in order to communicate in a way this minister would understand. His questions, although designed to be argumentative, deserve careful answers that communicate. LITC hopes that these responses will help our readers be prepared with solid arguments when being confronted.
Q: How does your cross-dressing promote God’s image and your acceptance of who God has made you (in relation to your gender)?
There is no quick answer to that, nor one that applies to all situations. My answer would be different within different contexts depending on the age, faith and gender of the person asking the question.
The first part of your question, “How does cross-dressing promote God’s image?”
I suppose it promotes it in terms of witness. Cross-dressing has allowed me access to a group of individuals that are largely shunned by the Church. This I consider a calling and a ministry. God put this calling on my heart ten years ago, and has yet to remove the burden and love I feel for the LGBTQI+ community. When I am dressed in a female persona, I try to portray a realistic image.
What I hope will come through is my humanity. I am not ignorant to the fact that the lines are a bit blurred, but I am trying to find my way (without much of a cultural road map, only the life of Christ) by relying on God’s Spirit moment by moment. Hopefully, the image of God that comes through is one of acceptance and love. This is the image of God that I am trying to portray to a group of individuals who have experienced much rejection and condemnation. I hope the image I portray says to those in the LBGTQ+ community, that they are not outside of God’s love because of their lifestyle or failings, nor outside of God’s care. This image of God (loving, welcoming, forgiving) stands in stark contrast to the one being promoted by some of the mainstream churches that insist on pointing out the failings of others especially in areas where they themselves do not struggle. The image of God, (what it means to be like Jesus) which I promote has more to do with partnering with others, to say to them, “Hey world! I know that God loves me as I am, and He loves you too!”
The second part: “How does cross-dressing promote…your acceptance of who God has made you (in relation to your gender)?”
It may be hard to explain this part, since you have not had to deal with my life or my thorns. But let me give it a shot.
I’m laughing to myself (about myself) at this point because what God has led me to in regards to self-acceptance is something I could never have guessed going into this process. I was raised to think the only way to overcome a problem was to face it head on and do battle with it (onward Christian soldiers). If that did not work, then I would use the cut and run method of fleeing from a situation so I would not be tempted. The problem I found with both these methods is that my actions were based on MY EFFORT and that, as it turns out, limited or undercut the actions and work of God. I thought I knew what God wanted for me (based on scripture and teaching), but I did not know that my interpretations, and those of my church, were by default culturally motivated. (I speak about what defines a male and a female.) Our cultural definitions of male and female become intertwined with what we read in the Bible.
Our cultural filters interpret the scriptures in a way that is more palatable to our current day sensibilities, wants and desires. Reading scripture within our cultural context can often lead to a poor translation and therefore poor application of what it is that God intended.
Since I was raised in the Church my understanding of what it meant to be a male was garnered from both a social and a Biblical perspective. The cultural ideal of male was blended into my understanding of what God expected of me as a male. This created within my young mind a rather uncomfortable self-image where my natural desires towards the female role were viewed by me as wrong, evil or sinful. I equated my lack of understanding of the male mindset as a failing on my part. I began a life-long process of weeding out those female expressions and desires by trying to eliminate them. I learned early on to suppress my feelings and hide my thoughts (and even my actions). This I thought was the right thing to do.
I did not realize at the time that sometimes the only way through a valley is THROUGH the valley. I had no idea when I was battling these feelings that I was doing myself grave emotional harm. Although my intentions were to become “right with God,” what I ended up doing was shutting down so much of myself that I lost who I was in the process. This I thought was perhaps what it meant to die to myself. I was VERY wrong.
Confessing our sins also means to acknowledge the reality of who we are. My acceptance of my female side has allowed me to accept myself and realize how much I need God. Accepting my female side, and the exploration of that, has allowed me to explore aspects of my humanity that I was afraid to express (creative, emotional, nurturing).
This process of rediscovery has helped heal some very deep and painful wounds. I laugh about this part because, interestingly enough, my acceptance of my female side has led to self-acceptance, and an understanding of my humanity and also the acceptance of my MALE side as well. I am enjoying more peace now between my male and female expressions than I had ever thought possible. Confessing my failings, my sins, and myself to God has led to a real death to self (a preconceived notion of who I thought I should be) and allowed me to take ownership of who I really am before God and what my role is as a child of God.
God is at work exposing and redeeming my sin nature, both male and female. My wounds are laid bare, and real healing can commence.
Q: Could you say that cross-dressing is a way to express your confusion about who you are and God’s design for your life?
I think I answered some of this already. But to elaborate, let me also say that I had mistakenly viewed cross-dressing as a sin. I am very confident that I am living the life now that God has intended. I was confused about my gender, but that confusion was only a manifestation of a much deeper issue I needed to work on. God did have a plan for my life which involved me understanding my personhood. Cross-dressing helped me to clear up some of that confusion by allowing me to tap into a part of my personality that I was suppressing. In that respect it has been a therapeutic tool to gain understanding about God’s intentions and design for me. Embracing my full gender draws me closer to the one who created me.
Q: You use scripture to back up your experience. Could it be that your expressed transgender nature is a sin nature that needs to be re-coursed and restored in reference to God’s primary intention for your life? God made male and female (different needs, expressions, body parts, etc.) – He never made man out of the context of these two genders.
Let me correct your first statement when you say that I am “using” scripture to back up my experience. This is simply not true. I look to scripture for insights and to understand a biblical perspective. Most of my articles have come from insights or surprises that I have encountered while causally reading the bible. The application of those surprise scriptures comes well after the exploration. My take on Matthew 19 for example (page 43) was possible because after accepting my trans nature, my perspective or vision had widened making a new revelation accessible. I could simply say, “Hey, read the Bible, it’s all in there.”
You also asked, “Could it be?” Perhaps it could, for if you read my writings carefully, you will see that I never try to excuse my actions, nor do I say I am without faults in their expressions. I am very comfortable being imperfect. My goals are not crowns and accolades, but rather contributing heart-felt service to God and others. To stare honestly at all of yourself is not for the faint of heart. Ever heard the disclaimer, “Children do not try this at home. We are trained professionals?” I would have to echo that sentiment.
Although I have learned so much, most of it as through fire, I would not wish this path on anyone. In fact, I am trying to leave trail markers so that others will have an easier time of it.
Yes, it could be that my sin nature (I would say faults) needs to be re-coursed. I hope you feel the same way about your sin nature. Citing a particular bent that someone else has as more sinful than ours, only serves to justify our own failings. It clouds our ability to see our own faults clearly. I suppose that is the point though: To turn the spotlight off yourself and on to another? Jesus called this obsessing over the splinter in their eye while ignoring the log in our own.
The good news is that redemption has already taken place. We live in grace, and that has freed us to do meaningful loving things for others without fear of a misstep. For I have learned, through much pain, that ALL I do falls short of the mark (what sin actually is) and I am okay with that. I allow the spirit inside me to mature the fruits of the spirit so I may enjoy those fruits when they ripen.
We may disagree on this issue due to our personal experiences. We may also need to navigate word semantics and a basic Biblical understanding to have a healthier discourse. It may be a bridge too far, but I hope your prayers are for God’s design to be revealed.
Do not confuse my self-acceptance with total self-approval. I am not deluded as to the reality of my faults, and I accept the responsibility for my actions. I know I am an imperfect person saved by grace. I also know, however, that there are people out there struggling with issues that are not easily resolved, living under a burden that has suppressed and twisted them into a state of inactivity. We are to live the abundant life, and these people have been placed under a false weight that only serves to crush them. Jesus died to set us free from the power of sin, to never again become a slave to the agenda of sin. I would love to hear that preached from the pulpit.
I also know that those who think themselves righteous are righteous only through comparisons with others they perceive to be weaker than themselves. It’s not unlike the pretty girl who surrounds herself with ugly friends. She feels that she looks good in contrast, but is she really prettier (more righteous) than those she compares herself to?
Your last point about male and female is more of a biological question than a Biblical one. Biologically there is a wonderful range of body types that manifest in the size, height and build of each person in a completely unique way. Gender is very similar in that although categorized in the Western world as mainly male and female, the types of gender expression vary widely. Without getting too graphic, many are born with ambiguous genitalia and although these are labeled either male or female in our culture, most other cultures allow for a healthy recognition of a third gender.
As you know, the roles of men and women are culturally driven. God has cited roles for male, female, and saris, as well as rich, poor, slave and free. Some of these are applicable today, others were descriptions of social conditions at the time. God works with what we offer trying to communicate with us in ways we can understand.
God is very patient in this. I hope we followers show each other the same patience and understanding when it comes to communication and give each other the benefit of the doubt.