Who Am I? A Search in the Mirror

For a long time, I would look in the mirror and not recognize that the person I saw was me. I’m referring to that man with the beard. At times, I would actually be startled at the reflection in the miror in much the same way as if a stranger had unexpectedly walked into the room.

It bothered me that I could not make friends with my reflection. Something was missing.

One day I purchased a wig, shaved and tried on some makeup. It was amazing to me how different I looked. Suddenly, I saw someone I could relate to staring back at me. The hair and the make-up were not real “glam” but more honest and natural. The reflection in the mirror looked like how I felt inside.

This was amazing to me. How could this image elude such a strong emotional response?

I have since taken steps to incorporate that vision of my inner self into my everyday outward self. Slowly my male persona is looking more like the female I am inside. The beard is gone of course. Now I am working on skin care, wearing some makeup (well blended), gender-neutral looking clothes, coloring my hair, and plucking my eyebrows. The comments I get are mostly positive and that I look younger.

I am attempting to “own” my outward image. My “look” has changed, and my “outlook” has also. This has been great therapy.